You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize