I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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