you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
