Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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