Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
