i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
