I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
