It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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