Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
