Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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