why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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