"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
