My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize