Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
