The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
