i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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