I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
oh god the rape fog is back!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
