Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
