nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
