she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
