Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
