I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
