Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
