you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
