just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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