But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
