Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
don't judge my taste in strippers
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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