and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
