Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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