I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
