i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
