he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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