Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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