I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
