Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
