Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize