he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I did not marry a roomba.
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