I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
