I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
