based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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