He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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