I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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