i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
