I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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