I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
