Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The air was thick with penises
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
