oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
