I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
