Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
