Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
