gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
