Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize