If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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