i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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