She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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