the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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