my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
