please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
