what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
