help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
