dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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