I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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