My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
