I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
