I'm gonna have a badass scar
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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