Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The maid of honor just puked.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
