Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
