I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He better not be in your backpack
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
