Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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