omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
